i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
