i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
