I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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