Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
