I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
