i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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