Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
