you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
