i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
