My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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