Just cropdusted the office
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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