Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
