YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
