Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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