wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
