He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
