God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
True but thats because hes a fetus.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
