yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She's JV to your varsity
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
