hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
