a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
