My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
