filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
