I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
