i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
