i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
