We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
