i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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