I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
