I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
