I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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