I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
