You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
