Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
