did you get engaged???
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
