rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
