He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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