What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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