; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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