oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
