you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
