I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i think my tv is drunk
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
