my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
