Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
