I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
another moral hangover. fuck.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
