sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
