She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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