I love black thongs
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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