me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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