My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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