i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
