Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
