You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
