I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
