I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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