I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
